Lost and Found

I have been reading a lot more since I got off my anti-depressents - not sure if they were somehow affecting my attention span or what. Have been on a Tom Robbins kick lately, and loving it, but it has been having some interesting spillover effect into my "real" life - been doing this weird soul-searching, what-is-the-meaning-of-life thing, trying to figure out where I'm going and why, etc. So far I haven't found any answers, and I'm scared to death that I'm gonna end up wasting my summer vacation/school career/life, on banalities and pointless whoop-dee-doo.

I've been thinking - maybe I should train-hop out west to visit my friend Wren (this at least would be real, novel, exciting).

I've been thinking - maybe I should join the HCBP protests (this would be something I believe in, would connect me to my community, would be dangerous and selfless).

I've been thinking - maybe I should have a child (this would grant me immortality, would allow me to correct my parents' mistakes while making my own, and to mould a life in my own image).

So far I haven't come to any decisions, leaving me feeling paralyzed and distrustful of my faculties and more lost than ever, but I am happy that I am finally having these thoughts again, important and all-encompassing, for the first time since I popped the first pretty little Effexor in my mouth nearly two years ago.

[taken from an email to a friend]